It didn't happen overnight

So, I sit here at a true crossroads, figuring out a way to cope with a tragic loss and trying to figure out a way to get my life to where I want it to be.

See, I have all of these huge dreams, but right now I'm faced with the grim reality of my situation. So, since I crave turning everything I dream of into a reality, I think it makes sense to look at women who have accomplished their dreams. People that I look up to. Of course there are women in my family who have shaped who I am as a woman. But then there are women in my profession who completely exemplify what I want to be as a journalist. They are cool, they are intelligent, and the craftsmen of words. They are leaders, and trend-setters and now the winners of Pulitzers.



Yes, when I grow up I want to be a mix of Michelle Singletary, Robin Givhan, Teri Agins and Sonceria Messiah-Jiles. Sprinkled with a little Jaci Wilson-Reid and Crystal McCrary Anthony. Not only are they intelligent, accomplished and absolutely fabulous, but they all have tests...leaving them with amazing testimonies.

It is so easy to think that people wind up with careers of their dreams by happenstance. But, the reality is that we all must make sacrifices, and we must all work hard for those dreams. People serve as my motivation. When I see other people on their hustle, and when I read about women like these who are where I want to be, it makes me want to work that much harder.

They carry themselves with such superb elegance and class. But, simply put, they are doing the damn thing, and I'm beginning to see that you can do that. You can soooo do that.

So, the real question is: how do you get there? Can you really have it all?

Getting It Together

Every so often, I make a list of resolves. Things that I want to do. Things that I should do. Things that I will do...to improve myself. Personal upgrading if you will. Well, I have not resolved to do anything as of late, but starve myself and stress myself out. Now that I am in the recovery stages of a break-up, it's time to do re-directing of my plans to help myself reach my goals. Some people wait until each new year. I do it after every relationship (good and bad)...just to make sure I didn't lose myself in that person. So...



1. Read more. I've fallen off, and I need to get back to it because I love it so, as I finish a book I'll come back and blog about it. I'm beginning again with The Souls Of Black Folk by W.E.B. DuBois. I've never read it, but I keep hearing about how applicable it is to the current state of Black America.

2. Live music. I'm going to start going to more concerts. I'm a music freak, and I especially love live music. This year the only live shows I've seen were Frankie Beverly and Maze (at Essence) and Raheem DeVaughn and Bilal (at the Heineken Red Star Soul Concert). Granted two of the performers are two of my favorites of all time, so the quality definitely makes up for the quantity, but I still want to see more live shows.

3. Bathe. Now now, I shower twice a day, but I'm talking about actual bubble baths. I took one yesterday and forgot how enjoyable it is to sit and soak. The bath oil and salts were scented wild orchid. The Reisling was crisp and the candles were jasmine. What a way to calm myself for the evening and get a good night's sleep. I'm going to do it every Sunday night from now on.

4. Volunteer. I've signed up for Big Brother/Big Sister. I have all of this love in my heart, it is definitely time I give it to someone who might be able to appreciate it instead of wasting it on a shell of a relationship. I do believe that service is the price we pay for living on this earth, and I do not want to live selfishly. My dear friend Marcus has told me that it truly is a rewarding experience, so I'm going to take his word and see what it's about.

5. Yoga/Pilates. Time to get this posture in check. Nothing worse than having your mother lean over to your father and say "I think she has scoleosis." Plus, I'm not as limber as I used to be, so it's time to make a change.

6. Weight. I am going to really start cooking. I need my shape back. I miss my tush. It's time to pt some meat on these bones again. My goal weight is 145 (where I was when I was 19). My current weight is 122. I've got some work to do, but I'm determined. Some way, some how I will get my weight back.

7. Weight Training. Starting Wed. I'm getting back in the gym. Period. Dot.

8. More plays. I love the theatre, and I've never been to the Ensemble (the oldest black-owned theatre in the country), so my mom and I will be going to see plays this year, especially Raisin in the Sun...can't wait.

9. Style. Time to up the style quotient. I've always been stylish, but it's time to dress my age. The days of the jeans and the t-shirt are drawing nigh. The hair is getting longer. If I could just figure out what to do with it.

10. Correspondance. I will start letter writing again. It's a good habit to have, and everyone likes to receive mail that is not a bill or obligation.

There will be more to add to this list.

Yes, You Can Teach Me Robin Thicke...

Music Lover. Yes, yes I am.

And the latest editions to my collection (it's getting pretty ridiculous) are as follows:

*India Arie: Testimony: Vol. 1 Life & Relationships -- I have to admit, I was not expecting much. Not to say that Ms. India.Arie isn't gifted, but I just thought it would be a lot of happy music. I bought the CD for Track 6 "There's Hope." There is such truth in that song, but the gem of the CD is the last track "This Too Shall Pass." If I can get religious (which I can because it's my blog), I hear God in that song. Every word was meant for me to hear, and that is what makes great music...she doesn't know me, yet she's speaking right to me. I'm sure I'm not alone.


*Lupe Fiasco: Food & Liquor -- A solid album. I'm especially impressed with the fact that Mr. Fiasco has different stuff to talk about. I have to admit, I am really starting to get tired of the music on the radio (Chicken Noodle Soup anyone???...no, not Campbell's). I pay attention to lyrics, but now it seems that I am actually listening to what is being said. It's really nice to hear someone talk about something real and relatable. Music is supposed to be the most personal shared experience. Lupe has done that.

*Raheem Devaugh: The Love Experience -- Decent soul album. His two singles ("Guess Who Loves You More" and "You") are by far the best tracks on the song. "Breathe," is definitely a song to get you in the mood.

*Justin Timberlake: FutureSex/LoveSounds -- It's growing on me. While he escaped the sophomore jinx, sticking to one-producer has him in a monophonic hole. Borderline boring, if Timbaland wasn't talented this album would be wack.

*Beyonce': B'Day -- Speaking of growing on me. The album has strolled on up to repeat in my car. At first I was sorely disappointed in the lack of creativity, and I did NOT understand all of the screaming...why so angry B? But the more I listen, the better the album gets. Except for "Freakum Dress," she definitely could've kept that. Maybe I'm just a big fan of Rich Harrison's production, but my favorite song is "Greenlight."

*Amel Larrieux: Morning -- I've had Morning for a while, but I definitely needed to give Amel her props forsuch a beautiful album. Check out Track 3 (it will be in my wedding).

Finally, the most recent acquisition...



*Robin Thicke: The Evolution of Robin Thicke -- So surprised. Not expecting this one. Every song on this album is good to great. Everyday I find a new song that I love. Quite a sexy man this Robin Thicke is (his wife is the gorgeous Paula Patton from Idlewild and the upcoming Deja' Vu). Anyway, back to the music. The song that has me (today)..."To The Sky." Inspirational without being pushy, and just the right touch of the Donnie H. influence (almost every soul album has got one). The best thing about this album is that I do not get the over-whelming feeling of pre-packaged Blue-eyed soul that I do with other artists like Jon B. and Teena Marie. Although he did cut his hair and change his image for this album, no part of this seems contrived. Maybe because Pharrell seems to up everyone's cool factor by 10 (at least). Thicke (yes, Alan Thicke's son) is signed to Star Trak -- Pharrell's label.

Now, all I'm waiting for is Jay-Z's upcoming album.